The work.

Somewhere to let it out.

Goblins build things up — things they can't say out loud in goblin-free zones, which, unfortunately, are most places. Here, a goblin gets to blurt them.

Talk a little shit.
Throw a little shit.
Be a little shit.

Stamp your little feet.
Gnash your goddamn teeth.
Grunt, squeal, and growl.

Somewhere to rest.

Goblins get strung up — always activated, always one more thing to do. But a goblin really needs to rest, too.

Once it's let some out, a goblin can go back to its cave, curl up, and sleep deep. Chew on a bone. Get a fat little belly. That's part of the work, not a break from it.

Bring a drink.

Goblins get thirsty. The work asks for things of you, and one of them is small and non-negotiable:

Bullshit optional.

Goblins can bullshit. They just really love not bullshitting.

So sometimes a goblin needs space — a little quiet to get it out. And sometimes a goblin needs a little push. A lot of the work is knowing which one this is.

The meatless bone.

Sometimes a goblin gets caught up gnawing on a particular bone, and needs a little shakeup to notice there's no meat left on it.

They might still want to chew. That's allowed. But now it's a choice — they chew for pleasure, not for hunger.

Grudge diets.

Goblins are good at holding grudges. That's fine — as long as the goblin is holding the grudge, and not the grudge holding the goblin.

Overfeed a grudge and it gets too big. Then it starts carrying the goblin around — and it always carries them away from meat and onions, toward meatless bones. So sometimes, we do a grudge diet.

Goblins do goblin things.

Burping, farting, sneezing, wheezing, crying, sweating, eating — all expected. It would be dumb to think a goblin isn't going to do goblin things.

Goblin Life Coach certification ensures it: a goblin life coach may be dumb, but their certification does not allow them to be.

How we get at all of it.

We reach these — and a lot of other goblin features — through a practice adapted from Internal Family Systems and experiential, body-based somatic work. (The careful, trademark-protective kind. Which is fair. Goblins just don't care much about trademarks.)

It's coaching, not therapy — informed by those frameworks, not affiliated with or certified by them.